1. Communication is vital to a healthy marriage. If you’re anything like me, my brain goes a million miles an hour. We have an inside joke in our home that Brian only hears half of my conversation at any given time but is responsible for the entirety. I’ve wasted time being upset with Brian when he genuinely has zero idea that anything is even wrong (the jerk!). If your spouse has hurt your feelings in some unintentional way, don’t resort to the silent treatment until they discover that something is wrong. Not only is this juvenile, but it is also controlling. You don’t want to be in a marriage where you’re walking on eggshells afraid that you’ll offend your spouse and be given the silent treatment until you figure out what you did. Communicate clearly and respectfully with each other. 
2. Opening yourself up and being vulnerable with your feelings, thoughts and emotions is HARD! That requires a level of trust that is terrifying, to say the least. Your marriage will not thrive unless you fully trust your spouse with everything. The flip side is true too, make sure that YOU can be trusted with your spouse’s thoughts, feelings and emotions. Never betray your spouse’s trust to anybody (even your family members). Guard your spouse’s trust carefully, once trust is broken its almost impossible to fully repair. 
3. Always say “I love you” before you hang up the phone or leave each other. The Bible says that “life is but a vapor” and I know from personal experience how true that is. We don’t know when our last breath on earth will be. Brian and I make it a point to never part ways with something between us. Something can go wrong in the blink of an eye leaving you with regrets. We’re very open with our affection and never hold back telling each other that we love each other. We want our children to also see that we love each other whole-heartedly and never want them to doubt that we love each other or them. 
4. Parenting is a team effort. Don’t let your kids turn or pit you against each other. Build your spouse up to your children. If your husband is working, praise him to your children. Point out what a good provider he is, how hard and diligently he works, the value of his character and time, and how he sacrifices for the family. If you’re the husband, point out to your children all that mommy does–laundry, housecleaning, meals, the spirit of the home, the sacrifice of her time and so forth. Make sure your children and your spouse see that you value all that they do. It’s always encouraging to know that your efforts and work are seen and appreciated.
5. Embrace life with a sense of humor. Trust me, it’s for the best. You will find yourself in awkward, terrible, wonderful, baffling and confusing situations. No matter what, find the humor and remember that you’re a team.
6. Be protective of who you allow to influence you and your home. Sadly, not everybody is a good influence. Not everybody wants you to succeed in your marriage. If you surround yourself with negative people, you will start to be negative. If you’re hanging around a friend that is always trashing their spouse, you’ll start to trash yours too. The opposite is true as well, if you hang around people that have great marriages, that talk positively about their spouse and kids, that see the positives, you will too. We have always been protective of the memories we allow to be made in our home. Our home is our sanctuary and we actively protect it as such for us, our marriage and our children. 
7. Be friends, keep friends, and have friends together with your spouse because of the friends’ character as opposed to what you can get from them. Quickest way to ruin a friendship? Try to sell them something. I think everybody knows of at least one person that seems to see them as a wallet or opportunity first and as a friend second. It’s perfectly acceptable to cut ties with these “friends”. If you don’t know a person like this, just make sure you’re not that person yourself. Personally, I don’t care what “business opportunity” or “ministry” or whatever you want to tell or sell me is. If I’m interested in something you have to offer, I will approach you. This doesn’t mean I’m not excited for whatever venture is going on, just that I don’t want to be hounded. Friends are not to be taken advantage of or guilt tripped into making you money. I could go on a long discussion about this, but I think everybody understands my point. 
8. Organization in life brings peace, order, and freedom. Find a system that works for you and use it. You’ll be amazed at how much you can handle without stress if you’re organized about it. There is nothing more peaceful than sitting in a clean house and having the time to reflect on all the blessings you have in your life. These moments are when I love to read for a few minutes and take a break. It’s relaxing and recharging. Anybody who knows me knows that I have a planner and its always with me. Everything goes in my planner. It is my sanity and my brain. 
9. Budget as a couple. We both know where every single penny of our finances is going. We are transparent with our finances and keep no secrets. Tackling finances together can make for stressful conversations, yes. However, it also makes for both of you being on the same page at the end of the day. This helps prevent one of you accidently sabotaging a budget or savings plan and frustrating the other. I’ve witnessed marriages where only one spouse oversaw and knew the budget and the other simply had a given number for bills or even an allowance. I would strongly caution against this as it can easily turn into a controlling practice with leads to resentment. You both should be fully aware of what money you have, the budget for everything, and what your personal spending amount is for personal things/wants. If only one of you knows all the financial information and something happens leaving your spouse behind–you haven’t prepared as wisely to ease that situation as you could have. Find a system that works best for your marriage, and keep no secrets. 
10. Get a puppy before having children.  You would be amazed how similar the experience is. Young puppies will keep you up all night, have to eat so much at a specific time, get separation anxiety, will piddle all over everything, have to learn everything, have to learn obedience, and so forth. Talking from experience, it’s very similar to having a newborn to toddler. 

Marriage is hard. There’s no sugar-coating that. Marriage is hard. Marriage takes work, dedication, time, effort, and being humble. Marriage is also the biggest joy (and sometimes frustration) that I’ve experienced in my life. I get the privilege of going through this life and experiencing everything with Brian. No matter what I have going on or what things are thrown my way, I know that Brian is right there. He is my biggest supporter and encourager. We are two imperfect people raising an imperfect family by God’s grace and loving it. There will be times when you look at your spouse and question everything…..your choice, your logic, his chances of growing old, the prison sentence for manslaughter….everything. After ten years I can say, it’s totally worth it and if I was given the chance to go back in time….I would still choose him.